Selflessness

I don't know about you, but I am pretty selfish. I like my time to myself. I like to read books, play on the computer, Nintendo, go out with the guys, etc... Me, me, me. I need to be more involved with family and others; to get my thinking off myself and on to others. It's not safe to be thinking about one's self for too long. You can get distant from everyone, cranky, edgy, being a misner with your time... You get too self focused and start over examining who you are, what you are, and questioning everything. So, what can we do? Start helping more at home. Start helping people you know and don't know.

Friendship

Surprising as this sounds, but men need friendships. I heard that men have less than 1% of their acquaintances are considered their best friends; someone they can share with and be real with.
The other evening a few gentlemen were discussing why we don't make the effort. We talked about how in our High School and College/University days we could talk in person or on the phone for hours and late into the night or early morning. What happened after we got married and had children? I know when you get older, you can feel your age and not have as much energy. But after the children are in bed, from 8 to midnight, what keeps us from calling up someone and talking to them or meeting them for coffee/tea/drink?

What we discussed was the fact that we need to me more deliberate in trying to spend more time in developing friendships. If we were to prioritize relationships in our lives, it should look like this:

1. Relationship with God.
2. Relationship with Significant Other.
3. Relationships with our Family.
4. Relationships with Close Friends.

Just look at how Jesus did it. He would spend his early morning hours with God, first. Then, he would spend time with his Disciples. But he would spend extra time with the 3 that he considered Close Friends.

I know I am going to try an purposefully try and call and/or spend time with those I would consider a Friend. I think I may even try tracking down friends I had back in the School days.

Self-worth

Selfworth. Finding value in one's self.

I went on-line to many dictionary sites to find a good definition on this word, so that I could put it here, but most referred you to self-esteem. Here is what they say Self-esteem is at wikipedia:

In psychology, self-esteem reflects a person's overall evaluation or appraisal of his or her own worth.

Self-esteem encompasses beliefs (for example, "I am competent/incompetent") and emotions (for example, triumph/despair, pride/shame). Behavior may reflect self-esteem (for example, assertiveness/shyness, confidence/caution).

Psychologists usually regard self-esteem as an enduring personality characteristic (trait self-esteem), though normal, short-term variations (state self-esteem) occur.

Self-esteem can apply specifically to a particular dimension (for example, "I believe I am a good writer, and feel proud of that in particular") or have global extent (for example, "I believe I am a good person, and feel proud of myself in general").

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So, after some digging, here is what I found for Self-worth, from http://www.yourdictionary.com/self-worth : self-worth (self′wʉrt̸h′)

noun: one's worth as a person, as perceived by oneself

Webster's New World College Dictionary Copyright © 2005 by Wiley Publishing, Inc., Cleveland, Ohio.
Used by arrangement with John Wiley & Sons, Inc.

self-worth Usage Examples

Possessives

• person: But shame can destroy a person's self-worth if left unattended.

Converse of object

• have: You will have a right self-worth when you know your value to Jesus by keeping your eyes on the cross.

Adjective modifier

• low: This may lead to frustration and feelings of low self-worth, and low morale.

Preposition: as

• result: Jennifer did agree that she continues to have feelings of heightened self-worth as a result of the birthday gift.

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What's interesting in the meaning of self-worth and self-esteem, it says what you think or believe or is perceived by yourself. But those of us with low self-worth deem what others think of us as more important than what WE think of ourselves.

Patrick Means, in his book "Men's Secret Wars," says, "Healthiness begins when we wean ourselves from worrying about what other people think of us." He goes on to give two key things to help us:

1. We need to anchor our self-worth to God's view of us.
2. We need to give up the compulsive need to be perfect.

Here are my Questions: How do we do these? What does that look like in our every day lives?
Is it as simple as when we think negatively, we try to think of the positive? When we think "just one more thing and it will be done," do we stop and say no it is good enough, it does not need to be perfect?

I know, for me, it's been talking to the Holy Spirit and asking for wisdom. I don't know how to begin to walk this out or changing my thinking or my habits or patterns. I pray that I would be more concerned about what He thinks of me, than what I think others think of me or what I think of myself. But here's the qualify-er: I don't want think of how I think God thinks of me. Why? because only the Holy Spirit and Jesus knows the heart of God purely enough. I see through the filters of my own experiences and thought processes that are influenced by others.

Let the journey begin, in ernest.

What are we afraid of?

Some say we are not afraid of anything. TV says men are afraid of intimacy.

Being Real: Authentic

Being real. What does that mean? It seems to be something more than just being "honest." Does it mean: you are the real deal? Or "what you see is what you get?" The problem with the last one is that some men seem to be what you see, but that is what they use as their wall or mask, so you can not get to know who the real person is.

So we need to know the person who we are talking to or dealing with is being authentic, as to who he is and who he is revealing himself to be.

Honesty

Honesty. Such a simple word. Something that is desired in both Men and Women, at least that is what we say.You can see that in alot of the Personals ads. But men war with this inside themselves. Have you ever come across in a business setting where one person is promoted for their honesty & trustworthiness and another time, someone is promoted by not being honest (being cut-throat).
Knowing when it is OK or safe to be honest seems to be more important when it comes to being in a relationship, then in a work environment. It is common practice to have your mask on at work. But when is it OK to take the mask off and be "you?"

What does the dictionary say about honesty? The Webster"s Dictionary says "fairness and straightforwardness of conduct."
Reference.com said this: "Honesty is the human quality of communicating and acting truthfully related to truth as a value. This includes listening, and any action in the human repertoire — as well as speaking.

Superficially, honesty means simply stating facts and views as best one truly believes them to be. It includes both honesty to others, and to oneself (see: self-deception) and about one's own motives and inner reality. Honesty, at times, has the ability to cause misfortune to the person who displays it. Honesty can also mean fairness, and truthfulness, and the avoidance of misleading people."

So, we want honesty when we are listening to others, but we are not always honest when we talk to others. Can we be honest with ourselves and others? Let's try and see where it takes us.

Just one caution about being honest, sometimes you need to avoid saying anything. Especially, if it is going to hurt or negatively impact your relationship with someone. Let me clarify that, because there are many examples that are running in my mind.

Example One: If you are a man and a woman asks you how she looks in the new dress she has on. RUN.

Example Two: If you had this crush on someone that you are working with and they don't know anything about it; being too honest can be wrong.

Example Three: Sometimes truth hurts and you need to be honest with someone if they are struggling with an addiction or the consequences of one. Those are times when you need to be upfront and honest.

Growth, Depth, and Meaning: What Men Need

Men need to be known. We want to be respected. We need to have meaning to our life. We want depth in our relationships, not just shallow - here is who you think I am, but not the real me - masks.

First, I am not a professional psychologist. I do not know all the Answers; I think God is the only person who does. This is just a Blog where I can put down my thoughts, talk things out. Put my foot in my mouth, as much as I want. And be real! I plan to talk about the things I have heard, read, and seen. I am a Christian, who has alot of faults, who is trying to be a Man in today's World. But what does it mean to be a Man? A Christian Man.?.

That is the question that I mean to explore through this Blog. Maybe even you, who are reading this, may have ideas about this subject. Some of you may even have the answers. Well, if you do, please comment or post. Let's see where this journey takes us.